🤦🏻‍♀️ When Everyone Talks Over You

Real-world advice for running discussions that actually get somewhere

Dec 07, 2024

👋 Happy Saturday, my dear UX friends, Marina here! Welcome to this week’s ✨ Saturday edition ✨ of UX Mentor Diaries where I tackle readers’ (and my students’) questions about building strategic influence as a UXer and accelerating UX careers. If you read it and value it, please consider sharing, liking this post and/or becoming a premium subscriber (here’s why)

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This week's question touches on a challenge that many of us face, especially as we grow in our careers:

"I run cross-functional meetings for our UX projects, but I struggle to maintain control. Product managers jump in with solutions before we've defined the problem, engineers debate technical constraints before we've discussed user needs, and stakeholders often talk over me. How do I command these meetings effectively?"

… the classic "everyone-talking-over-each-other" scenario…

I remember a particularly chaotic meeting where 3 different stakeholders were simultaneously trying to solve 3 different problems (none of which were actually on the agenda.)

Let's see how we can transform these chaotic sessions into productive discussions where your UX expertise truly shines—

🛠 The Meeting Command Toolkit

First, let's reframe how we think about meeting management.

This isn't about dominance—it's about orchestration.

You're not trying to control people, you're creating space for the right conversations at the right time.

1️⃣ The Pre-Meeting Power Play

The real work happens before anyone enters the room.

✅ Set Clear Expectations:

Send a structured agenda with timing
Define clear meeting outcomes
Assign pre-work if necessary
Establish ground rules

Pro tip: I learned from a brilliant UX director to include this statement in every agenda: "This meeting is for [specific outcome]. We will not be [what you won't cover]. That will be addressed in [follow-up meeting]."

2️⃣ The “Opening Momentum” Framework

The first 3 minutes set the tone!

💪 Strong Opening Script:

Thank everyone for their time
State the specific meeting goal
Outline how decisions will be made
Set clear role expectations
Preview the agenda with timings

Example: "We're here to understand user pain points in the checkout process. Today we'll review research findings and identify top issues. We're not designing solutions yet—that's next week's workshop. Each team will have 5 minutes to share their perspective. Let's start with..."

3️⃣ The “Interruption Management” System

Different interruptions require different tactics ;)

For “Solution-Jumpers”—

Acknowledge their enthusiasm
Park the idea in a visible "Solutions Parking Lot"
Redirect to current discussion phase

For “Technical Debaters”—

Note the constraint
Add to "Technical Considerations" list
Return focus to user needs

For “Off-Topic Wanderers”—

Restate current discussion point
Offer to schedule separate meeting
Reference agenda timeline

Real Phrases That Work

Here are some battle-tested phrases I've refined over years of herding cats (I mean, managing stakeholders ;)—

When someone jumps to solutions:

"That's a creative solution! Let's capture it in our parking lot. Right now, we're focusing on fully understanding the problem."

When multiple people talk at once:

"I'm hearing several important points. Let's take them one at a time so we can give each the attention it deserves."

When someone goes off-topic:

"That's an interesting point about [their topic]. Would you help me capture that for our next [relevant] meeting? For now, let's focus on [current agenda item]."

🗣 The Physical Presence Toolkit

Your physical presence matters, even in virtual meetings:

1. Voice Management:

Speak in a lower register
Use deliberate pacing
End sentences with downward inflection
Pause for emphasis

2. Virtual Meeting Mastery:

Keep your video on
Look directly at the camera
Use hand gestures intentionally
Master the art of the strategic unmute

3. The Facilitator's Body Language:

Maintain open posture
Use deliberate hand movements
Make individual eye contact
Lean forward when others speak

🌟 Building Long-Term Meeting Authority

Create sustainable change:

1. The Meeting Charter

Establish standard operating procedures:

Discussion protocols
Decision-making framework
Role expectations
Time management rules

2. The Stakeholder Buy-In System

Meet key players one-on-one
Understand their priorities
Agree on meeting protocols
Make them allies in maintaining order

3. The Follow-Up Framework

After each meeting:

Send clear summary notes
Document decisions made
List action items with owners
Schedule necessary follow-ups

🏆 Your Challenge This Week:

Choose your most challenging recurring meeting
Implement the Pre-Meeting Power Play
Practice three interruption management phrases
Document what works and what doesn't

Success Story

A UX lead I mentored was struggling with a particularly chaotic weekly sync. She implemented these techniques, starting with a clear meeting charter and pre-meeting agendas. Within three weeks, her meetings went from 60-minute chaos to focused 45-minute sessions. The key? She stopped trying to control the room and instead focused on orchestrating the conversation.

Your role isn't to dominate the discussion but to guide it toward productive outcomes.

Often, the most powerful thing you can say is, "Let's pause here and make sure we're addressing the right question."

Quick tip:
Record yourself running a meeting. Watch it on mute first to assess your physical presence, then with sound to evaluate your verbal techniques.

Till next Saturday,

-Marina

P.S. Keep a "Meeting Management Journal" for a month. Note which techniques work best with different personalities. Your future self will thank you for this reference 😄

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