🤝 Networking for People Who’d Rather Not
You don’t need to be outgoing. You need to be remembered. 5 strategies for expanding your UX network on YOUR terms.
👋 Happy Saturday, my dear UX friends, Marina here!
This week we’ll be answering a question from one of my quietly brilliant mentees:
“…here’s the backstory: I’m a senior designer at a smaller startup, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my next move. I know I need to grow my network - not just for job opportunities, but to stay sharp and feel less isolated.
But here’s the thing: I’m not naturally outgoing. I’m friendly, just not someone who thrives in big group conversations or cold DMs. And I really don’t want to start posting just because I “should.”
I’m not shy, but I don’t enjoy putting myself out there for the sake of visibility. I want to connect with people, but I don’t want to force it, or worse “fake it.” How do I expand my network in ways that feel natural and meaningful?”
First off: this is such a good question!
Because what this person is really saying is:
“I don’t want to perform. I want to connect.”
And that’s not just valid - it’s the better goal.
So let me give you a few highly effective (even if slightly unconventional) ways to do that. None of them will require you to be loud, constantly online, or fake-interesting at events ;)
1. Write “thank you notes” after you use someone’s idea
Don’t wait to connect with someone.
Use what they shared, try it out, and then tell them how it helped.
Example:
“Hey, I used your post about onboarding metrics to shape a conversation with my PM yesterday - it completely changed how they viewed success. Just wanted to say thanks.”
This lands very differently from the cringey “big fan of your work” message.
You’re showing them you think in outcomes.
You’re already in their lane.
That’s how real relationships start.
2. Don’t “build a network”. Build a “shared rhythm” with 3-5 people instead!
Find a few people (even just one person!) whose thinking energizes you.
Then do this:
Bookmark their posts or newsletters.
Reply when something actually sparks something in you.
Occasionally share something with them just for them (an article, a smart question, a job lead).
This isn’t networking.
It’s “relationship design”.
And it scales slowly, but powerfully.
3. Leave comments that make other smart people want to talk to you
Skip all this “Great post!” fluff.
Instead:
Add 1 interesting nuance.
Ask a question they haven’t already answered.
Share how something landed in your real work context.
What’ s important here is that you’re not trying to get the author’s attention, but you’re trying to be someone others are curious to know.
And you never know who’s quietly reading the comments, taking note ;)
4. Invite someone into a thought (not into a coffee) chat
Here’s a trick that feels way less awkward than “can I pick your brain?”:
Pick someone who wrote/shared something sharp, and say:
“I’ve been thinking about your take on [X], especially in the context of [Y thing at your company]. If you ever want to nerd out about this, I’d love to swap notes.”
It signals that you’re a peer, not a “fan”, and that this isn’t about you, it’s about the idea.
That’s catnip for thoughtful people.
5. Be a quiet collector
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is notice patterns before others do.
Create a private doc called “People Doing Interesting Work”.
Every time someone shares a perspective that makes you pause, add them. Link to the post, write one sentence about why it stuck with you.
Over time, this becomes your own informal advisory board.
And when you’re ready to make a move—career-wise or idea-wise—you already know who to loop in.
Bottom line ↴
You don’t need a big network.
You need the right 5 people to know your name, remember how you think, and be excited to help when it counts.
Quiet minds can be unforgettable.
They just need a way in.
See you next Saturday!
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This really helps Marina!! The quiet collector is my personal fav!! <3
This really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing!