😌 The Art of "Gentle Influence"

5 unexpected ways to win hearts (and design decisions)

Jan 11, 2025

👋 Happy Saturday, my dear UX friends, Marina here!

Today, I want to share an interesting question from one of our community members that I think quite a few may relate to:

"…I'm leading design for a fintech product, and I'm struggling with something that's been bothering me lately. In meetings, I often find myself holding back my UX recommendations because I'm worried about coming across as pushy or condescending. Just last week, I had solid user research backing up why we needed to redesign our onboarding flow, but I couldn't find the right way to present it without seeming like I was criticizing the current solution.
How do I balance being persuasive without coming across as pushy or condescending?"

This question touches on something I've seen countless UX leads grapple with throughout their careers.

It's that delicate balance between advocating for users and maintaining positive relationships with our cross-functional teams.

So let's unpack this challenge and explore some practical strategies that have worked well for me and many successful UX leaders I've mentored.

The Art of Influential Design Leadership

Here's something I've learned over the years:

true influence in UX doesn't come from pushing harder—it comes from pulling people along on the journey with you.

Let me share how this works in practice.

1. Make it a Shared Discovery

Instead of presenting solutions as “fait accompli”, invite stakeholders into your thought process.

Here's what this looks like:

❌ Rather than saying: "Our research shows this [design approach] isn't working, and we need to change it."

✅ Try: "I'd love to walk you through what we're hearing from users and explore together how we might address these patterns."

This subtle shift transforms the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration.

You're no longer the critic pointing out flaws—you're a partner in solving problems.

2. Lead with Curiosity, Not Conclusions

One of the most powerful tools in a UX leader's arsenal is genuine curiosity.

Before presenting your recommendations:

Ask stakeholders about their perspectives on the current solution
Understand the constraints and considerations that led to the existing design
Show interest in the history of previous decisions

This approach accomplishes 2 things: it helps you gather valuable context and demonstrates respect for the work that came before.

3. Frame Around Shared Goals

Here's a technique I've found particularly effective:

Always connect your UX recommendations to broader business objectives.

For instance:

❌ Instead of: "Users are dropping off because [this flow] is confusing."

✅ Try: "I noticed something interesting in our data that might help us improve our conversion rates. Would you be interested in exploring this together?"

4. Build Trust Through Transparency

Share your own learning journey and occasional missteps.

When I lead design reviews, I often start with:

"Here's what we initially thought would work, what we learned from testing, and how that shaped our current thinking."

This vulnerability makes you more approachable and helps others feel comfortable sharing their thoughts.

5. Master the Art of the “Soft Landing”

When presenting critical feedback, cushion it with appreciation for existing efforts:

"The current solution was clearly well-thought-out for its time. As user needs have evolved, we have an opportunity to build upon this foundation."

🛠 Practical Application

Let me share a recent situation from a UX leader I mentored.

She was struggling to convince her team to simplify their enterprise dashboard.

Instead of presenting a critique, she ⬇️

Organized a collaborative workshop
Shared user session recordings showing pain points
Asked the team: "What patterns do you notice?"
Facilitated a group discussion about potential solutions

After all this, the team themselves identified the need for simplification, and my mentee was seen as a facilitator of positive change rather than a critic.

Your Challenge This Week

Try this 3-step approach in your next design review:

Step 1: Start with questions instead of statements

Step 2: Share user insights as stories rather than criticisms

Step 3: Invite others to help shape the solution

And remember that leadership in UX isn't about having all the answers, it's about asking the right questions and bringing people along on the journey of discovery.

A Final Thought

The most influential UX leaders I know aren't the ones with the loudest voices or the most forceful opinions.

They're the ones who make everyone feel heard while gently steering the ship toward better user experiences.

Your job isn't to be right, it's to help your team make the right decisions for your users and your business.

Talk soon,

-Marina

P.S.

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